Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
