Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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