if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
