dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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