we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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