that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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