I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
