I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
