none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
