weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
