Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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