just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
