Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
