Please, let me fuck your mom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
