This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
