break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
