Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
