I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
