Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
