my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
