ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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