We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I intend to get homeless drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
