Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
soo... how was my night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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