and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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