I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
