Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
