dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
