You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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