I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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