you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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