I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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