fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
