Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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