she smelled like a LAN party
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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