i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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