Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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