Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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