I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it penis luge time yet?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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