If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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