I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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