well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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