She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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