Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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