Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
