i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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