Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Screwed.edu
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
