I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
