Buhtt sex?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
