nut hugger
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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