If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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