I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Still dying that you shit outside
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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