That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
