I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
