Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
