I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
