5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
